Saturday, December 17, 2016

New Year's Resolutions

Well we are getting close to the New Year, which means several people in IndyCar will be wanting to make a resolution for the 2017 season. Here are some resolutions that many of them will be angling towards:


Takuma Sato's New Year's Resolution is to be the best Japanese driver in IndyCar.


Alexander Rossi's New Year's Resolution is to do good at races that aren't double points.




Charlie Kimball's New Year's Resolution is to leverage his enormous crash damage in 2016 into a sponsorship opportunity with Dallara.


Juan Pablo Montoya's New Year's Resolution is to leverage his Indianapolis 500 result into a deal with Dale Coyne Racing.


James Hinchcliffe's New Year's Resolution is to mamba in victory lane in 2017.


Josef Newgarden's New Year's Resolution is to get Helio Castroneves to dye his hair blonde.


Ed Carpenter's New Year's Resolution is to finish a race.


Tony Kanaan's New Year's Resolution is to decline his recently offered membership to AARP.


Sebastien Bourdais's New Year's Resolution is to get in at least three fights in 2017.


Sage Karam's New Year's Resolution is to wear a shirt more often.


Conor Daly's New Year's Resolution is to shift some of the burden of chores onto James Hinchcliffe.


Marco Andretti's New Year's Resolution is to not suck.


Spencer Pigot's New Year's Resolution is to get Samsung to sponsor him full-time, though he hopes his car won't explode in typical Samsung fashion.


Mikhail Aleshin's New Year's Resolution is to get Vladimir Putin to come to a race.


Helio Castroneves's New Year's Resolution is to win a championship. Haha.


Simon Pagenaud's New Year's Resolution is to use his middle finger as a metaphor for running the #1 car.


Will Power's New Year's Resolution is to debut his new mitten racing gloves so he can gesture as much as he wants.


Graham Rahal's New Year's Resolution is to grow a mustache.


Pippa Mann's New Year's Resolution is to get Lego to become an associate sponsor of her and Little Pippa.


Scott Dixon's New Year's Resolution is to go viral with more videos of him taunting other drivers.


Ed Jones's New Year's Resolution is to get Dale Coyne to resign him before August.


JR Hildebrand's New Year's Resolution is to not crash in any turn fours in 2017.


Chip Ganassi's New Year's Resolution is to not get mad at Honda at any point in 2017.


Dallara's New Year's Resolution is to find a way to get Pastor Maldonado into a seat for the season.


Thanks for reading!

-Matthew Hickey

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