25 "We Are Surely Sunk" Moments of 2012

Let's take a trip down memory lane and review events so far this season that would surely destroy Indycar forever:

1) There won't be 33 cars at Indy? I blame Randy Bernard. FIRE HIM. Oh we got 33 cars?....... Well it was still a struggle to get it, FIRE HIM ANYWAYS.

2) Two races in a row (Iowa, Toronto) finished under a yellow flag....... That isn't fair to fans, give us a GWC! (sarcasm)

3) A select few owners wanted to get rid of Randy Bernard? That plan sure worked for you Kalkhoven, Barnes, and Carpenter.......

I wouldn't say he was disgruntled. He was just..... Gruntled 

4) The Indy 500 was "uninteresting"? And I'm the one that doesn't know anything.... Good one Fryer.

5) Cars wouldn't go past 218mph at Indy on a good day......? Someone remind me what the pole speed was again?

6) Chinese race cancelled? And no replacement? Well, that will make viewers tune out the rest of the season......

7) Honda engines keep failing in the tests? Man, they won't win a single race this season.....

8) There was no overtaking at St. Pete? The car sucks, throw it away, this season will be terrible......

9) Sarah Fisher Hartman won't get an engine by time St. Pete rolls around? BLAME RANDY.

10) Michael Shank Racing doesn't get a deal together due to lack of sponsors and refusal to take a Lotus? BLAME RANDY AGAIN.

11) Koretzky resigned? After you Google just who in the hell he is, please panic.

12) No more Danica Patrick? Ratings will surely tank.......

13) No aero kits? Man it's a shame we'll have to suffice with this great racing that we are seeing......

14) No more 100% ethanol? Man. I'll have to stop hugging this tree right next to me.....

15) Every Chevy car at Long Beach got a 10 place grid penalty? There is no way that a Chevy would win.....

16) Single file restarts at Indy? Man, restarts will be terribly boring, with no action whatsoever.....

17) Only five ovals on the schedule? Well shoot, I was worried I wouldn't be able to get a ticket to Kentucky, but now that problem is solved.....

18) The track at Belle Isle failed? Clearly Randy Bernard's fault, as the unpredictable patching failure was someone in Indycar's fault....

19) Newman Haas closes down the shop for this season? They won't ever be back, EVER......

20) Eddie Gossage gets disgruntled when Indycar moves Texas test to May? Let's never go back to Texas because they produce bad races.....

21) No more pack racing? I do hate when people make things safer and more enjoyable to watch......

22) Baltimore changes promoters more often than Kim Kardashian changes boyfriends? That race surely won't see amazing attendance again......

23) No cars got bumped on bump day? That really sucks, I love seeing people lose.....

24) Illegal parts were used by Wilson and Conway in their successes? BAN THEM, as they did not display any talent in their runs......

25) Turbogate? There has never ever been a dispute with rival engine manufacturers in the history of motorsports.....


Do you get the point? Despite all of these "We Are Surely Sunk" moments, Indycar is still here and going strong. Zachary Houghton of @indycaradvocate sums it up best with his flo charts in one of his best articles http://www.indycaradvocate.com/2012/07/lets-make-canada-crisis-free.html .

Moral of the story: take a breath when another "crisis" threatens to "derail" Indycar. Throw away the Hatorade and enjoy this great sport that is so amazing!

Let me know what you think.

-Matthew Hickey